I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize