You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
