Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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