Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
