don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
