based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
