So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
