Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
