Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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