Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I want is dick and wine.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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