it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
