It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
