There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
