Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
