I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize