i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
