When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I could fuck to npr.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
