I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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