i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
