i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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