No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Welp...herpes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
