Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
