I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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