Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
