Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
