I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
