I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
