i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
