i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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