if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
