Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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