she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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