Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You are a genius and a whore.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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