in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
