Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A+ Viking dick
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
