GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize