Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
