Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We need to get me chipped asap
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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