I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
