I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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