I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize