My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We are two peas in an std pod
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
