Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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