He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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