so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
