the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize