"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
