You're like the curious george of whores
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
