I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
