Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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