FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
