I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
