Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
