Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
