no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
