he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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