At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
