I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
