his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
