So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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