so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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