I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You are a genius and a whore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
