Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize