Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
