Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
