Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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