so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
