We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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