cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
