I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
