she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Damn victory sex feels great
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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