hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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