Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
