I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He kissed a someone with a penis
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
