He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my poor anus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
