i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
