I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
