we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
