My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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