How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
