I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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