he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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