hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
