somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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