My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
